Welcome Home Eric Cartman
By Jm
Rating- M
Pairings- Kyman, Stenny, Kenny/Liane, onesided-Buttman
When Eric Cartman got fired and lost his house due to no money, after 5 years he moves back to South Park and lives with his mom. He hopes to get a job and his own place fast, but it won’t be easy.
(I’ll change this summary later!)
Please enjoy and sorry if my English is bad :(
All the South Park Characters * except for Maci Cartman* belongs to Matt and Trey
Chapter 1-
Moving out of South Park was the best decision I ever made. I was sick of the cold air and the zero degrees snow on the ground that covered the grass. I wanted to go where I wasn’t acknowledged as the fat ass who fucked everyone over just because I get what I want. Well, maybe that’s true, but it’s their fault for pissing me off everyday. Especially that fucking Jew….
Anyway, I moved when I got out of high school and right away packed my shit, and left. I didn’t go alone though. My girlfriend, well fiancée, tagged along and about 1 year while living there I proposed to her hoping we could finally tie the knot for real.…well, as I was on one knee holding out the ring in the black box, she looked at me with a weak smile and said…
“I think we should….Break up.”
After that night she said she packed her things and left. I was so fucking pissed at her, I didn’t even
Want to see her leave so I went in my room, and went to sleep.
And so after 5 years of living there, I’m back in my fucking car, driving back to South Park to live with my mehm, since I really can’t afford to stay there since I got fired for beating up some fucktard for calling me a fat bastered. I’m not fat, I’m fucking big boned, mother fucker.
I sighed as I stopped at the red light. Only 20 more minutes until I go back to my hometown and-
“Daddy, when are we going to be at Grandma’s house?”
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I have a daughter who’s 5 years old and the most prettiest thing alive.
My ex was pregnant in the middle of our senior year. We were going to give Maci away, but after deciding we were going to start living together, we kept her.
I grabbed my cup of coffee waiting for this damn light to turn green. “We’ll be at Grandma’s in a little bit Peanut.” She nodded as she started to play with her toys again. I sighed tapping my finger on the steering wheel looking out my window. The sky was grey and looked as if it would snow any moment. My tan that I got from living there will be gone by tomorrow since the sun barley shows here. I then thought about how everyone would look since the last time I saw them.
My thoughts were interrupted by some asswhole beeping me. I flipped him off as he passed me, and drove.
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We finally got to my mehms house. I got out and helped Maci out of her car seat. “I don’t want to sit in
This seat anymore, daddy,” she pouted as I lifted her out of the car. “Sorry, but you’re still a little peanut, so you’re going to have to live with it.” She pouted again, looked down and whispered. “That’s b-bull crap.” I shook my head. “No, it’s the law.”
“Oh sweetie!! I’m so glad you’re back!!” Mehm hugged the shit out of me as soon as she
opened the door. She then looked down. “Oh my goodness is that…” Maci grabbed onto my leg peeking out her head, looking at her grandmother for the first time. “Yes, this is Maci. Say hello to your Grandma.” Maci looks up at me, then lets go of my leg and walks to Mehm. Mehm bent down smiling brightly. “Hello sweetie! It’s so nice to finally meet you!” Maci was silent. She didn’t move at all as Mehm stayed bent down waiting for her to respond. After 5 minutes of silence, Maci hugged her tightly almost knocking mehm down.
I unpacked my clothes in my old room and sat down on my old bed. My room looked the same and nothing was touched except it was clean and neither dust nor webs were seen. I guess Mehm knew I was going to come back home some day. Maci walked in looking around and then jumped onto the bed beside me. “This is my old room Mace.” Maci nodded, and yawn. It was time for her nap so I helped her put her pink pony gown on, and laid her down. She snuggled in the covers sighing lightly as she drifted off to wonderland. I smiled leaning down and kissed her forehead before closing the bedroom door.
I was hit with the smell of Mehms favorite tea as I entered the kitchen. Mehm looked up smiling brightly as she signaled me to sit down with her. “So, how was it over there? “ I shrugged sipping some tea. “It was okay I guess. That stupid hoe Kristin broke up with me not even a year and left me alone with taking care of Maci,” Sip, “But it wasn’t so bad. Well until I got fired a few mouths ago for beating up some prick.” Mehm nodded holding onto her mug tightly as she listened to me. After I was done, she looked down. “I’m so sorry Eric. I wish I could have helped in some way.” Shaking my head I placed my cup on the table. “I moved to be independent and yeah, it was tough, but everything worked out for the best for me…and for Maci. So, don’t make it seem as if it’s your responsibility, mehm. And you are helping out with letting me and Maci stay here, for a while.” She lifted her head up quickly. “For a while?” I nodded. “Yeah. I’m going to find another house for us as soon as I get the money. Why?” Mehm pouted looking down at her cup. “Oh….” “What’s wrong?” She looked up at me, eyes drooping like a lost puppy. “I thought you were going to stay.” My eyebrow rose. “No mehm, I can’t live here. I don’t want people thinking I’m homeless and that I’m some loser who sleeps in his mother’s basement…I’ll stay until I get enough money.” Mehm looked down, her eyes big and sad. I rolled my eyes. “Don’t worry; I’ll stay in South Park since I don’t think I’ll have enough money to take a plane.” Mehm looked up with a smile. “Oh that’s great hu-,” The phone started to ring suddenly. Mehm turned to fetch the phone. She put it up to her ear. I sat back finishing the last of my tea as mehm spoke.
“Hello?…Oh hello…yes I am aware of that…yes….okay…,” Mehm looked over at me and smiled, then turned back to the phone, “I will ask if it’s okay, then I’ll call you back…yes…oh good! Thank you for your help. Okay goodbye.” I eyed her questionably when she placed both of her hands onto mine. “Sweetie, I have a question to ask you.” I nodded waiting for the question. Mehm looked down, still smiling. “What?”
“Mommy might have found you a job…”
“Oh really? What kind of job, Mehm…
…
“No, no NOOO!”
“Oh come on Eric! It’s an easy job and you’d be perfect for it!”
I quickly turn to the crazy lady I call mehm. “Mehm! I’m not doing it! I’m not dressing up in drag, singing to a bunch of old men who jack off to little boys!!” Mehm smiled weakly. “Eric, it’s an all Adult club and the men are all there because they are gay, not for little boys, sweetie…” I stare at her like she has three heads. Is she for real?!
I mean, yes, I did enjoy wearing woman’s clothing when I was young….but that was a faze and nothing more!
Mehm said I had the perfect face and body for it and would knock the house down with my beauty. I cringed. Being told by my Mehm that I’d make a beautiful girl is weird and down right creepy.
Though this request is mighty horrible and would make me insane if I said yes, it’s a job and that’s the first thing on my list I need in order to get a house…
That being said…
“H…how much does…does it pay?”
She looked up for a second, “About 100 bucks a week.”
Hm…Not bad…
I fidget with my hair. “And…what exactly would I be doing…I mean if I accept…”
Mehm sat down placing her hands on her lap. “Well, you’d be the entertainment part of the club…” I looked down at her with a frown, “By entertainment, you don’t mean-,” “Oh no, no, of course not,” She waved her hand and shook her head, “I’d never want my little pupsikins to do such a thing! No, dear you’d be the one singing on stage…,” “In drag,” I finished. She smiled nodding, “Yes, exactly dear. Every night at 9:30 you’d be there singing songs which Kenny McCormick-,” WHOA, WHOA WHOA, FREEZE!
“Kenny…WHO?!”
“Kenny McCormick, you know, your little friend from school? Yes, he owns a two clubs. One for Gays and another for Straight people.”
I smirked at this. Poor boy actually did something with his life, and he probably has more money then Token!
“He says he’d love for you to work there since he missed his friend a whole lot!” I tugged at my hair again (some weird habit I started to do) thinking.
Well, singing isn’t anything I can’t do. I’m the best singer ever and it would be kewl to share my special gift to those faggots…wait a second, I forgot!
“What about Maci? I can’t tell her daddy works at a Gay bar and dresses up like girls!” Mehm giggled. “Oh don’t worry; you don’t have to say anything. I’ll watch her since my when you go to work.”
I nodded. Well…I looked to the ground…I guess there’s nothing else I can do…and it pays good money…
“Okay,” I say as I look up, “I’ll do it.”
Sorry if Cartman is alittle OCC~
Hope you liked chap 1
Chap 2 will be Eric going to the Club and he meets a few old friends along the way~
Jm
